pondering...

I've worked more on the character I posted below but I will be posting progress of it sometime this week.

I've been pondering lately on what's more important. I have an interest in writing as well and I want to start working on a comic again. I feel like it's a strong idea that could potentially work. I even started writing a script for it but my problem is that I can never seem to find the right work flow for myself. I've stopped working on the script recently because I've been trying to rebuild my art portfolio to hopefully get freelance work. The problem with that is that it's taking much longer than I thought. Let me give you a brief history. About a year ago, I was laid off from a really crappy full time job that I hated. Granted the money was somewhat decent but in a way, I was happy about getting laid off. It was a dead end job anyway. Since I had more free time on my hands, I decided to start really taking art more serious than I have before and began my journey to improve my skills as an artist. It's been a year later and although I'm seeing progress and I'm finally starting to feel more relaxed and comfortable when I start drawing(which is a huge accomplishment considering that at times, I always felt worried that whenever I would start something, my work would always suck) yet I still rarely have anything to show for it except for a couple of character designs that I put on my website. I was hoping that I would have more work to show and put up on my website but I don't. I do feel like I'm finally heading in the right direction and feel more confident that I can produce more work faster. Throughout the year, I've also gained two part time graphic/web design jobs so at least I'm making some money although I don't have as much free time anymore.

I guess my main dilemma is that I have a lot of ideas that I want to start writing about but then I start thinking that I need a better art portfolio to get at least some freelance work and that might be more important so if I build up a descent portfolio, I can then focus more time on my comic but since building up a portfolio is taking longer than I thought it would, should I stop creating artwork and just go head strong and spend more time working on the comic? Or should I alternate days and work on my comic one day and work on a portfolio piece the next day?

I'm also going through a lot of roller-coaster emotions over my artistic journey. One minute I'm optimistic, the next I feel like giving up. There is also the pressure of finding a better paying job that I can live on. As I'm getting older, I'm putting that pressure on me as well.

I shouldn't be so hard on myself though. Over the past year, I have gained graphic and web design skills and I can actually create websites by hand coding them which is honestly a skill I thought I would never have. I'm proud of myself because I practically taught myself on how to do these things which I never thought I could do in the first place. I definitely feel more confident with myself and feel like I have grown as a person and as an artist. So then why do I get so hard on myself? Why do I suddenly start thinking negative thoughts. Perhaps I'm worried about my future.

But what's more important? Doing a comic or building up a portfolio? I feel like writing a story is more enjoyable to me sometimes than creating art.

I guess from what you can tell is that I'm confused at what to do with my life at this point. I tried to write at least 20 min a day but that method can only last so long because it's hard to find those 20 minutes sometimes. I will have to think of a strategy to conquer this.