Does hard work really pay off?

This has come to my attention lately but the general rule is that if you work hard at something, there should be a reward or a pay off at the end. It seems that hasn’t happened to me yet. I’ve worked hard all my life. I ended up getting accepted into an art college with a good reputation. That was probably the only time in my life where my hard work really did pay off. It seems that after college...well...things have been up and down.

I’m lucky that I’m employed right now but I feel like I deserve a lot more in life for all the hard work and effort I put in. Whenever I do work hard, it never seems to be enough. I always have to do more. It’s not good enough or I’m not working hard enough, etc, etc. No offense, but it gets exhausting after a while. Sometimes I say to myself, fuck it. Working hard is pointless. But for some reason, I keep pushing myself. Why? It comes down to this. I can’t imagine doing anything else with my life.

I feel like there is something within me, almost like an instinct or a voice that tells me to keep going. That everything will pay off in the end. When though? When will that happen? I don’t consider myself quitting with my art or my writing anytime soon. I’ve certainly grown a lot in my skill set and talents over the years. That is probably the one thing that doesn’t make me quit. I still have things to work on (unfortunately) but I feel like that will always be the case. Perhaps this is a never-ending journey that I will continue to battle. 

Some progress on my script (and other stuff)

So I've been spending at least two  - four hours a day writing my script, trying to get through the first draft. At times it great and things just flow and the story starts writing itself. Then there are times that I'm like...what the fuck do I do!? This isn't going anywhere. This scene isn't work. Why is this so damn hard?! I stare at my screen like the answer it will magically come to me. But when I'm in that state, I have to just write something anyway. That's the only way to get out of the rut. What I notice is that even though my writing might suck, there is something in there that actually has potential, or it sparks a new idea to keep my story moving forward.

Yes, I have an outline. But sometimes I notice there are little bumps in the road and I don't realize them until I start writing. They are minor things and not many of them, but at times, they are there.

And I have to keep something in mind when I'm writing my first draft. IT IS MY FIRST DRAFT AND IT WON'T BE PERFECT. I have to stop putting pressure on myself that this has to be all there. It's a first draft and I will have time to revise and keep revising it later. It's a habit that will be hard to break but I need to keep telling myself that.

It's funny how I mentioned in my last post that I won't be pursuing art anymore and yet I found myself drawing last week. I don't know. I just felt like it. It was a nice break between writing I guess. Who knows? But I've noticed something similar to screenwriting and drawing. You're first pass when drawing won't be good but you try and draw it out so you have something to work with. This would be similar to your first draft to your screenplay. Then as you keep drawing and painting it, you keep revising and fixing it until you feel like you've done absolutely everything you can to make it as good as possible. After you write your first draft of your screenplay, you do a second pass and you keep revising it.
I'm not saying it's the same thing but the process is pretty similar. The only difference is that you can finish an illustration faster than a screenplay.

Overall, I'm glad I'm finding the time to write. There is always something that gets in your way in life from doing what you want but you have to fight through it anyway. That's what I've been doing basically. I don't think there is any way around it. But I'm still passionate about this idea and already have about 55 pages written so far.

Outlining definitely helps me prepare before I write because this way I have a plan of some sort. If I just start writing from scratch and have no plan, writing a feature length screenplay is a very overwhelming task for me.

I've been submitting my short screenplay called "The Bank Teller" to a couple of contests. It's a little scary putting myself out there but I feel strongly about the theme of the script.

I'll keep everyone posted on whether or not I place in anything.

If you would like to see my creature I drew, you can view it here http://twitpic.com/7dxjgq

I guess I don't see myself giving up art completely. It's a frustrating experience.

In Pursuit of a Different Path

I know I haven't posted here in a long time. I know that noone reads this anymore because I don't use it that often. At this point I don't really care if anyone reads this or not. This is for me and that is why I started this blog in the first place. Or maybe I did. It was probably both.

So what have I been up to? Well, I've always wanted to pursue writing and have taken a bunch of writing classes in college and have continued writing on and off since then. It was only until the summer that I realized that I want to pursue a career in screenwriting. Why? Because I feel ike I can express myself better when I'm writing stories rather than drawing some random thing that doesn't mean anything to me. I also have always been fascinated with film and like seeing things visually. I have a bunch of stories to tell and when I'm writing I feel like I am creating my own world. I don't quite feel that way when I'm drawing.

What happened was, I was still working on getting better at my foundation skills in illustration (anatomy, value, light, etc.) and started my own sketchbook on conceptart.org. I was working hard not necessarily because it was something I loved and enjoyed. (I did to a certain extent) but I was mainly doing it for the wrong reasons. Basically, I was doing this so I could get a better job. It was really for getting more work. I kept pushing myself too much to a point where I honestly hated creating art. I felt that I wasn't making any progress and I wasn't improving on my weaknesses no matter how hard I tried. I eventually lost my passion for art. That's when I decided to change directions and actually do something I've always wanted to.

So far I've written two short screenplays. Both are dramas with some comedy thrown into them. I really like how my second short screenplay came out and I'm going to enter it in some contests and see what happens from there. I'm currently writing a feature screenplay called Bicurious. 

I honestly never pictured me doing this in my life but feel I have more of an instict for writing than I do with art. I'm not sure why but it "feels" right to me to be writing rather than drawing.

Will I give up art completely? I can't say no for sure. It has been something I've been doing most of my life and I still doodle occasionally.

The thing is...I don't have all the free time in the world. I'm at a point in my life where I really have to focus on something. I can't focus on more than one thing. Some people can but I can't. I only have around 2-3 hours of free time after work and I need to use my time wisely. Writing has had it's struggles, especially with screenwriting because there are a lot of rules and specific ways of formatting that I had to get used to but I feel like I've been getting the hang of it.

I'm taking baby steps for now. We'll see where this road takes me.

I fixed some of it around

I worked on this some more and fixed some slight anatomy issues.

a doodle that is turning into something...

This is a doodle I've been working on since yesterday. I've been working on the other character from the post below too. I'll post that soon.

some progress....

Here is some progress to the drawing below. I finally had some time to work on it. I've been tweaking some of the anatomy as well. I'm starting to feel more confident with myself and I will continue to push myself some more. 

I haven't had much time to draw in the past couple of days because I ended up getting a freelance graphic design gig. A local company needs e-blasts done for events that they put together once or twice a month. This is really my first real freelance job that I got. I don't know if that's a sad thing or not but I'm glad I'm starting with something. Unfortunately, the past two days have been really stressful because the company needed it to go out in the beginning of the week so I've spend Monday and Tuesday night finalizing the design and coding it in html. Let's just day I'm glad it's over. The finished e-blast ad is pasted below. It was nice to work on a drawing for a change tonight and not anything graphic design related. 

It was probably the most challenging thing I've done in a long time because at both my part time jobs, things have gotten a bit boring and they aren't the most creative places to work at. I feel like I really pushed myself with trying different techniques and ideas where at my other jobs, I don't always have that opportunity. 

Luckily, everything worked out and he wants me to work on another e-blast later this week. Hopefully this will be a continuous thing and it will give me some extra money in the bank. 

Any thoughts and comments are always welcome. 

new doodle

This is a doodle I was working on yesterday. Thought I would share it.