This has come to my attention lately but the general rule is that if you work hard at something, there should be a reward or a pay off at the end. It seems that hasn’t happened to me yet. I’ve worked hard all my life. I ended up getting accepted into an art college with a good reputation. That was probably the only time in my life where my hard work really did pay off. It seems that after college...well...things have been up and down.
I’m lucky that I’m employed right now but I feel like I deserve a lot more in life for all the hard work and effort I put in. Whenever I do work hard, it never seems to be enough. I always have to do more. It’s not good enough or I’m not working hard enough, etc, etc. No offense, but it gets exhausting after a while. Sometimes I say to myself, fuck it. Working hard is pointless. But for some reason, I keep pushing myself. Why? It comes down to this. I can’t imagine doing anything else with my life.
I feel like there is something within me, almost like an instinct or a voice that tells me to keep going. That everything will pay off in the end. When though? When will that happen? I don’t consider myself quitting with my art or my writing anytime soon. I’ve certainly grown a lot in my skill set and talents over the years. That is probably the one thing that doesn’t make me quit. I still have things to work on (unfortunately) but I feel like that will always be the case. Perhaps this is a never-ending journey that I will continue to battle.